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What to do when someone wants to “Pick Your Brain”?
- December 10, 2010
- Posted by: Mazarine
- Category: Conflict Fundraising 101 Leadership Web 2.0
Have you ever met someone who wanted to “Pick your brain”? How did you respond to them?
A Case Study:
I met this guy at a social media networking meeting last week. He seemed friendly enough, and wanted to tell me about new mobile websites he was building, which could have mobile giving built into them as well.
I thought this was intriguing and gave him my card.
He called to follow up with me and started rambling about his life and how hard it was to be a solopreneur. I heard little kids in the background. Then he asked if he could meet with me to “pick my brain.”
Despite my growing misgivings, I agreed to meet with him.
I met with him this week and as I sat down at the table in the coffeeshop, he didn’t greet me, and was on the phone with someone for 5 minutes, in front of his computer.
Then he got off the phone and said, “You look tired.” Right, this is the second time I’ve met this guy, okay? Why is he commenting on my appearance? What gives him ANY right? I should have left right there. But I narrowed my eyes and sipped my tea.
THEN he proceeded to ramble about his life for 10 minutes. Then he asked me what my life was like.
At this point, I was pretty certain he had no respect for my time. So I gave him a brief answer, and asked him what his vision was for giving nonprofits access to mobile giving.
He said he wanted to know the language to use to get nonprofits interested in mobile websites and giving. He said he knew that the United Way in Houston had gotten 30 members a month with their mobile website.
I said, “That’s a good start. You’d probably be better off looking at larger nonprofits, as they will have more a budget for this, be able to take more of a risk.” And then I gave him a list of a few local nonprofit associations and publications that could help him identify the nonprofits and other businesses that he should target, and that he should probably hire someone to take care of marketing for him.
I finished talking, and he said, “Sorry, I wasn’t concentrating. What was it again?”
So I told him again, as he stuffed his face with a pastry. And he looked at me blankly, then turned to his computer, and said, “I really should have been writing this down, my kids stole all my pens.”
I repeated it a third time, and he said, “Well, i can’t get another marketing consultant, because the first one cost $500.00 and didn’t do anything, and maybe I’ll have to go back to substitute teaching.”
It was obvious that he wasn’t listening to a word I said, so I got up to leave.
He tried quickly to get me to look at his computer where he had another scheme going with another guy, as I was on my way out the door.
Did I mention I paid for my own tea?
Okay, break it down with me, what did we learn?
When someone wants to pick your brain, that’s a big red flag.
Ask them instead what the point of the meeting would be, if you two met. Often you can just get straight to the point on the phone.
Respect!
Pay attention to what they do, not what they say. If they don’t have respect for your time on the phone, they’re not going to have it in person. I should have walked out after the second minute he spent on his cellphone.
Your time is your most important resource.
Don’t waste it on people you meet at networking meetings who don’t have a real reason for meeting with you in person.
Any thoughts you’d like to share on networking, time-wasters, etc? Please leave a comment!
5 Comments
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I don’t mind a “brain-picking” session with someone who is truly interested. I think this particular guy was very disorganized and not clear about professional behavior. I’ve had many conversations with folks over tea where I helped them quickly get some ideas and some excitement for moving forward. I like to be very clear with someone how much time I have, so they know how long we have to talk. This tends to help them focus on the questions they really want to ask.
Sorry you had such a bad experience. Good that you learned from it, though.
Sandy Rees
I avoid the brain-pickers/time-wasters/somethings-for-nothings by rarely carrying business cards.
If I meet someone I genuinely want to know better, either because they might need my professional help or I might need theirs, I talk to them long enough to make sure I know how to find them again, and I follow up rather than waiting to hear from them.
When I do hand out cards, it seems like 99 times out of 100, I get someone like the guy you are describing above. I’d rather save the money & trees & not print cards!
Aw, it makes me sad that someone ruined a phrase I use all the time! Though usually when I want to pick someone’s brain about something I have a specific handful of questions in mind, pay for their coffee/tea/lunch, and am super-attentive and note-takey. Time, as you say, is one’s most important resource, and I’m always really grateful when people agree to give me some of theirs.
Hi Ealasaid!
Brain picking reminds me of zombies. I try to avoid zombies. Maybe there’s another phrase you could use?
I think people could certainly do a little “here’s what I have to offer, and also, I’d like to get your opinion on something that you’re an expert in.” That would translate much better to a meeting, rather than, “GIFT me your time.”
Someone on twitter said, HEY! Hourly rate! I just need to start mentioning hourly rate!
Okay!
🙂 Mazarine
I developed specific approach to these situations about a year ago (after several sessions that left me jaded about offering my time).
When asked about “picking my brain” I typically stop people mid sentence and tell them about a group of my colleagues (who are fabulous) who get together once a month or so to share ideas. Everyone comes to the event with something to share on the topic of that meeting (new idea, tool they want to learn, issue they are wrestling with etc). Each of the participants shares and is present to listen and give feedback.
Those who are in it for the wrong reasons have lots of excuses for why they can’t possibly make that work …that’s my cue to encourage them to be in touch when they have time.
I found that people who are genuine and committed get excited about the idea and are willing to invest their time to help others and themselves. Even if they can’t make the group event I will take time with them because they passed my investment test.