Comments on: Hey Nonprofit Professional, Are You A Hero Child?

By: Mazarine

Mazarine — Fri, 18 May 2012 20:38:24 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story Susan.

I am so grateful that you told other Hero children about your journey. And how you overcame the idea of work as a false escape through play and art.
This is SO important. I am reminded of Mary Oliver’s poem:

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver ~

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 09 May 2012 01:45:31 +0000

I was the Hero Child in an alcoholic home until I left home and tried on some more unfortunate versions of the other roles. Something in me wanted to avoid being swallowed up in martyrdom so I didn’t try to be a social worker or shrink as a profession. I feared my inability to set boundaries. Something I still work on today. But now I know that each role is only a part of myself- and that trauma often causes that fragmentation. Healing promotes an integrated and more loving and whole self. The way I can tell I am genuinely caring or wanting to help is that I feel calm and capable in my own skin first and that I am curious and interested. NOT frantic or frazzled or fearful. I need to know I can and will take care of my soul first. Work can be a false escape or endless attempt to build a ladder of achievements but that never works. It was a tenacious love for my own playful and artistic side that saved me from my Hero persona. Now I know there is so much more to life than trying to rescue people. I say save yourself and you will be more effective whatever you choose to do.

By: Mazarine

Mazarine — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:41:18 +0000

Thanks Amanda,

I think i swung back and forth too! But now, Hero Child! And so! How to step out and take better care of ourselves? Be better to ourselves?

I think a positive way to be involved in the nonprofit world is to work from home as often as possible, work a 6-7 hour work day instead of 8+, and then GO HOME and do something else.

I also think that we have to check in with ourselves and ask ourselves, what would really make me happy? How can I treat myself better today?

A book I read recently talks about listing all of the things that have made you happy or you think MIGHT make you happy, and then doing one of those things per day, to make you sort of wake up (out of caretaking mode) and do something nice for yourself.

It’s a challenge, but I think I’m up for it! How about you?

Mazarine

By: Amanda

Amanda — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:32:46 +0000

That is really interesting! I wonder if there are any studies out there to show how many nonprofit employees are first-born, or how many would define themselves as the “The Hero”. That would be interesting to read.

It’s also kind of jarring to read about what the negative effects of keeping oneself in those defined roles can be – especially since working in this field can cement people in those roles through their whole careers. What are positive ways of keeping those roles in a healthy proportion?

On a personal note, I’m the youngest, but I’d still say that out of my siblings, I filled that ‘role’. I think The Mascot and The Hero were switched aorund in our family!