What makes you lose your power?

And how do you get it back?

What can make you lose your power is when you start to focus on things that are designed to make you insecure, like ads that have super skinny make-upped highly photoshopped people with the latest designer everything. Basically people who don’t exist in real life, but only on magazine covers. You might start to think that you need lipsuction, or waxing, or laser hair removal, or an expensive makeover, or you name it.

Every time you see those magazines, remember, For Every Anxiety, There Is A Product.

Even if you don’t identify as a feminist, you may not be a person motivated so much by ads for special hair relaxers or liposuction or ultra-permanent makeup or laser hair removal.

In fact, you may find those ads quite offensive, and see through them for what they are, Attempts to make you insecure and get you to spend money to feel better about yourself. Perhaps you’re opening your eyes and seeing that objectification that happens everywhere, and choosing to not give your power away to it.

“If somebody is investing time, resources, and energy into convincing you of your own worthlessness, that same somebody has revealed to you that they have a lot to lose if you don’t believe them. They’re protecting their own loss of power. Which means they perceive you as somebody who can take that power away. If somebody is putting in the work to knock you down, it’s because they’ve got something to fear about you if you’re standing up.” -Harriet of Fugitivus.net (Thanks to Ealasaid for the recommendation!)

Bidisha, columnist for The Guardian, goes on to say, “Women’s collective fight-back is occurring in reality and in person, not just in the form of narked critiques online.”

But even the narked online critiques seem to be gathering momentum. A few weeks ago, when Jezebel said that the Daily show had a woman problem, namely that they had very few women correspondents and writers, the Daily Show shot back an “open” letter from their female writers stating that they were very happy, and that the Daily show was very respectful of women.

To which I say, “O RLY” because in 2009, the following male actors/comedians were guests on the Daily Show (according to Wikipedia): Daniel Craig, Liam Neeson, Ricky Gervais (twice), Tom Selleck, Dev Patel, Billy Crudup, Paul Rudd, Ian McShane, Seth Rogen, Ben Affleck, Hugh Jackman, Denis Leary, Will Ferrell, Ed Helms, Larry David, Kevin Nealon, Paul Giamatti, David Cross, Tim Gunn, Matt Damon, Clarence Clemons, and Hugh Grant. And the female actors/comedians? Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Sigourney Weaver, Wanda Sykes and Joy Behar. So we’re to believe that these 5 women were the ONLY ones willing to appear on the show?

So this year, at the Emmys, there were several women onstage, compared with the past 4 years, when there’s been one or two women on stage at most. A victory? Perhaps. They also asked a former female correspondent, Kristen Schaal, to come back. Salon.com seems to see this in particular as a victory for Jezebel, and for feminism, that the Daily Show is taking stances to increase the number of women publicly on the show and to talk about feminist issues. So in this case, perhaps, online snark actually accomplished something. WOW.

But it’s not ALL pop culture fluff.

As Bidisha writes, “The symbolic and powerful Reclaim the Night marches are back, across the UK (in America, it’s “Take Back The Night” -ed.). Groups, charities and initiatives including Justice for Women, Women Against Rape, Women Against Violence, Million Women Rise, Women’s Aid, Eaves, Refuge, Object and the longstanding Fawcett Society and Southall Black Sisters have national prominence and are part of the international movement.”

If you want to know who ELSE is helping in your movement or your cause, just go on Myspace, and check out all of the Myspace pages, or even Facebook pages for these causes. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised how many people in the world are working towards your cause, or towards the cause of women’s equality.

You should see some of the comments Bidisha gets. It’s a LOT of men investing their time in telling her that she’s wrong, bad, a man-hater, and so on. They are really invested in protecting themselves from losing power. But the more they focus on her, the more they show their own insecurity.

Anything you pay attention to thrives, and anything you ignore eventually starves and dies.

Power is Attention.

Attention is Power.

Think of your attention as a very precious resource. How do you want to spend your resource?

Get clear, gather your allies, and fight back by putting your attention towards the cause that matters to you, and the people who can support you and hear you. Blog, get on twitter, go to a take back the night march. Start to actively ignore magazines and websites that try to make you feel like you’re not good enough in some way. I know you can do it.

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Tell me how you’re fighting back below.

What can you do when your boss yells at you?

Perhaps this has happened to you. You’re doing your work, and suddenly your boss comes over and starts screaming at you. Then they barge back into their office.

You wonder what just happened. Perhaps you start to cry. Perhaps you yell back. Perhaps you start to search for another job. How can you prevent verbal attacks? How can you stop the verbal attacker in their tracks? How can you make them understand that they are not going to get the rise out of you that they want?

There are several forms of verbal abuse and here’s how you can identify them, and respond to each one.

Techniques for responding include Sensory mode, Satir Mode, and Responding the VAPs, aka Verbal Attack Patterns. Let’s go into each one.

Use Sensory Modes
You can match the sensory mode coming at you and help the person attacking trust you more.

Sensory Modes sound like:
Sight: “I really like the way this looks.”
Hearing: “This sounds great to me!”
Smell: “This whole plan smells fishy to me.”
Taste: “This leaves an awful taste in my mouth.”
Touch: “I don’t feel right about this.”

If you can’t identify which sensory mode the person is using, don’t use any of this language at all.

Use Satir Modes
Dr. Virginia Satir was a world famous family therapist. She noticed that language behavior of people under stress tends to lead to five modes.

Blaming
You can recognize Blaming in body language. The Blamer shakes their fists or index fingers, scowl and frown and loom. People use blamer mode because they are insecure and fraid that nobody will respect or obey them. They might say, “WHY don’t you ever think about anybody ELSE’S feelings?”

Placating
You can recognize Placating in body language. Placaters cling and fidget and lean on others. People use placater mode-saying that they don’t care-because they care so much. “Oh YOU know how I am! Whatever YOU want to do is okay with ME!”

Computing
You can recognize Computing in body language. Computers are stiff and rigid, moving as little as possible. People use Computer mode-saying “I have no emotions”-because they are aware of the emotions they actually feel and are afraid to let them show. “There is undoubtedly a good reason for this delay. No sensible person would be upset about it.”

Distracting
You can recognize Distracting in body language. Distracters cycle through the other modes with their bodies. People in Distracter mode cycles through all of these states of mismatch, can talk like they’re jumping from one thing to another, and express panic. “What IS the MATTER with you ANYway? Not that I care! YOU know me-I can put up with ANYthing! However, common sense would indicate that the rules should be followed.”

and

Leveling.
You can recognize Leveling in body language because they don’t have these patterns and their bodies match their words. Levelers will say, “I like you. But I don’t like your methods.”

Try leveling and you’ll find that others will have little recourse but to understand that you’re not going to join them in Blame, Distraction, Computing, or Placating.

Recognizing and Responding to Verbal Attack Patterns of English
Verbal attack patterns are all about STRESS on the words or parts of the words in the sentence. There are two parts.

First there is the bait, which is the part that hurts, which the attacker expects you to respond to.
Then there’s the attack that matters, which is hidden in a supposition.

Have you ever had someone say,
“You could at LEAST get to WORK on time! or
“WHY don’t you ever LISTEN to me when I talk to you?” or perhaps
“EVerybody underSTANDS why you’re so TOUCHy, you know!”

There is no more important cue to recognizing verbal attacks than abnormal stress patterns.

To respond to this kind of attack, you need to respond to the supposition, not the bait. So instead of saying, “I DID get to work on time!” Say, “When did you start thinking that I didn’t listen when you talked?” or “When did you start thinking that I’m touchy?” When you address the hidden supposition, that there is no listening, or that you don’t get to work on time ever, or that you’re touchy, you can start to draw out concrete examples and get to the root of the problem directly. This is not what the attacker expects, and it can short circuit the confrontation.

So remember,
Rule one: Ignore the bait.
Rule two: Respond directly to the attack hidden in the presuppositions.
Rule three: No matter what else you do, say something that transmits this message: “Don’t try that with me-I won’t play that game.”

Metaprinciples:
Metaprinciple One: Anything you feed will grow
Metaprinciple Two: Anything you Starve, Smother, or Neglect will Fester and Die.
Metaprinciple Three: Every language interaction is an interactive feedback loop.
Metaprinciple Four: The only meaning an utterance has in the real world is the meaning the listener understands it to have.
Metaprinciple Five: Mismatch is a warning, watch for it.

Just remember, your boss or co-worker has no excuse for treating you this way. It’s not that “they’re having a bad day” if it’s 5 days a week. Don’t make excuses and say, “Well, men are just childish” or “Women are just overemotional.” There’s no excuse for workplace violence.

Tips gleaned from The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense, by Suzette Haden Elgin.

Did you like these tips? Would you like to add some of your own that have been useful in your experience?

Please leave a comment, I am always looking to learn from you!

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The first part in this series talks about their book, “Now, Discover Your Strengths,” the ideas behind it, and begins to talk about how to manage the 34 different types at work. The second part continues with the different types of people and how to manage them. The third part continues to talk about these types, and finally, we’re going to finish talking about these types today.

Managing Maximizers
This person wants to learn about their strengths, and understand that you value these strengths. Ask this person to lead a task force to discover best practices, and design a program for measuring and celebrating the productivity of each employee. This person is not so interested in fixing broken things, but rather taking things that work and figuring out how to maximize their performance.

Managing Positivity people
They love to celebrate things. Their enthusiasm is contagious, and they can’t deal with cynics, so keep them around basically positive people who just need a spark. Ask this person to plan events. They can help people be more excited about their work, and they are more creative than most people.

Managing Relators
This person can be generous, and likes to develop bonds with others through knowing their goals. They are loyal and trustworthy. They want to know that you care about them, as they organize their life around their close relationships. When they manage others, their direct reports will work harder for them because they know the Relator will be there for them.

Managing Responsibility people
This person has serious ethics. They care about quality first, and about getting new responsibilities. They define themselves by their ability to live up to their commitments. Protect this person from taking on too much. You may want to be careful about promoting this person because they want to be responsible for their work, not other people’s work.

Managing Restorative people
This person can be relied upon to respond in a focused, businesslike way to problems. They are real problem solvers. This person should be paid to solve problems for your best donors or customers. When this person solves a problem, make sure to celebrate this achievement. Ask this person in what ways they would like to improve. Agree that these improvements should serve as goals, and they will appreciate this kind of attention.

Managing Self-Assured people
Put this person in a role that they need to be persistent in. They can project calm, and stability, and will want to make meaningful decisions. Make sure this person knows which decisions produce outcomes. And they want control of their world. But they need clear feedback if they mess up. You will have to rein this person in because they are not always aware that they have weaknesses.

Managing Significance people
This person is very independent. Encourage them to praise other top achievers as they enjoy making others feel successful. Give this person the opportunity to stand out and be known. Acknowledge that this person thrives on meaningful recognition for their contributions. This person will make claims to excellence, and you need to help them keep benchmarks for developing their strengths. Their self esteem can suffer when others do not give them the recognition they deserve.

Managing Strategic people
Always give this person time to think a situation through. Involve this person in organizational and strategic planning. Then get them to write up their ideas and present it to a group. If you hear of new strategies that work in your field, tell this person, it will stimulate them. Ask this person to sift through all possibilities and find the best way forward and report back on this.

Managing Wooers
Strangers energize this person. Ask this person to be a goodwill ambassador to your community. They might like to meet, greet, win over, and move on to the next person. They can help strangers feel comfortable with your organization.

Do you recognize several themes for yourself? Apparently you can have up to five dominant themes.

Do you recognize ways you have tried to manage people here? Do you recognize ways people have tried to manage you here?

What works best on you?

What seems to work best on the people in your office?

What did you learn from this series?

Try to do one on one assessments of people you work with, and reward them in certain ways that seem consistent with their strengths. Do you notice an increase in productivity or a lift in mood?

I took the test, and my strengths are:
Achiever
Strategic
Focus
Positivity
Individualization

What are yours?

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How do you manage people? Have you taken the Gallup assessment, which was given to over 2 million people, and provided insights on 34 types you might have to manage at work? This can be an invaluable tool as you help people discover their strengths, and focus on these in their work.

Ask these four questions to people you work with, and see how different everyone is, and how you can start to motivate different types of people.

1. What’s the best praise you ever received?
2. How often do you like to check in with your manager?
3. What’s your best method for building relationships?
4. How do you learn best?

Here is part two of how to manage the different types of people in your organization. If you haven’t read part one yet, you really should.

Managing Competitors
Use competitive language with this person. Talk about “outsmarting’ the competition. Measure them against other people. Set up contests. Find places where they can win. One of the best ways to manage this person is to hire another competitive person who produces more. When they lose, let them mourn, and then quickly move them into another opportunity to win.

Managing Connectedness people
This person will have social issues that they will defend strongly. Listen to them. Your acceptance of these issues will influence the depth of the relationship you can build with them. If they have a spiritual orientation or strong faith, your acknowledgment of and acceptance of this will let them become more comfortable with you. Encourage this person to build bridges with others in the company to show each person how they all rely on others.

Managing Context people
When you ask this person to do something, explain why it needs to happen. Get the background on colleagues in meetings before you sit down to business. Get this person to help others understand what has been done and the thinking behind what is currently being done. Get case studies to help illustrate his points, and highlight the key discovery from each anecdote, which can then possibly be turned into classes.

Managing Deliberators
This person can excel at negotiating contracts, a rigorous thinker that can help you see the pitfalls in your plan. Do not ask this person to greet or network for your organization, and do not ask them to make snap judgments. This person is a private person, and does not want to share the details of their life with you. Don’t take it personally. They are selective and do not want to move quickly from team to team.

Managing Developers
Developers help people around them succeed. They are excellent at mentoring and teaching classes. This person loves to recognize others for their genuine achievements. Often people under this person can be transferred quickly to positions of larger responsibility because they grow people and prepare them for the future. To make this person happy, tell them, “Your encouragement and confidence helped this person succeed.”

Managing Discipline people
This person can bring structure to chaos. They can also be annoyed by clutter. Tell this person the schedule. Don’t surprise them, but if there have to be surprises, help them develop routines to respond to surprises. This person can help you plan and organize your own work, and the work of others.

Managing Empathic people
This person needs to work with positive, optimistic people. Don’t overreact when they cry. They often feel things more keenly than others. Before getting this person to do something, ask them how they feel about the issue involved. Get this person to see their empathy as a gift, as it helps them understand others and sense what others are missing.

Managing Fairness people
Practical bent which means they will be more comfortable with getting tasks accomplished than long range planning. Most comfortable with predictable patterns, but also good around fairness for everyone. This person is good with establishing routines and consistent practices for your organization.

Managing Focusers
This person thrives on regular check-ins. Probably not sensitive to the feelings of others. New goals, and new measures of success are what this person pays attention to. They prefer to have an agenda for meetings. They like to talk about their goals and their progress towards those goals.

Managing Futurists
Put this person on the planning committee. They can see a brighter future around the corner. Stimulate them by talking about what could be. Have this person create a presentation to show the future to others. Give them time to think, write about and plan for products and services needed in the future.

Managing Harmony people
This person does not want conflict, they are NOT at their best when confronting others. Determine in what ways you agree with this person and regularly reinforce these agreements with them. Surround this person with others strong in harmony, and they will be more focused and more productive when they know they are supported. Don’t bother trying to discuss controversial subjects with them. They may not show you they disagree with you. Help this person find authoritative backup for actions they take.

Managing Ideation people
This person has creative ideas, and position them where their creativity will be valued. Especially as a designer, this person can shine. They thrive on new ideas, so try to feed them ideas that are within the scope of your mission. When decisions are made, take the time to show this person how each decision was rooted in the same theory or concept. They need to see the organization being coherent.

Managing Inclusiveness people
This person wants to make everyone feel like a part of the team. You can put this person in a donor or client-facing role and be certain that they can help break barriers between people. They like to work with products or projects made for everyone, not just one little subset of people.

Managing Individualization people
This person can judge a candidate’s strengths and weaknesses admirably. They can really see the world through the other person’s eyes, and can help you get the right roles for everyone according to their strengths and weaknesses.

Managing Input people
Put this person in a research role. They want all of the books, articles and papers you can throw at them. This person loves to be on the internet, gathering facts that may eventually be useful. They need a system for storing what they collect. And look for opportunities to say, “It’s amazing, you always seem to have the facts we need!”

Managing Intellection people
Encourage this person to take time to simply think. Have a detailed discussion with this person about their strengths, they will enjoy the introspection and self discovery. Challenge their thinking and they will enjoy that you are paying attention to them and will be stimulated by this.

Managing Learners
Position this person to continually learn about their fast changing field. They will enjoy the challenge of maintaining competency. Encourage this person to take courses at the local college or association. Help them track their progress by identifying milestones and celebrate these. Encourage this person to become the resident expert in a particular area. Have them work beside someone who will push them to learn more. And ask them to conduct presentations to teach others what they’ve learned, and secure financial support to continue their education.

Do you recognize ways you have tried to manage people here? Do you recognize ways people have tried to manage you here?

What works best on you?

What seems to work best on the people in your office?

Try to do one on one assessments of people you work with, and reward them in certain ways that seem consistent with their strengths. Do you notice an increase in productivity or a lift in mood?

On the 12th, we’ll finish talking about the different types and how to manage them in the workplace. Make notes when you find people that you know in here, and make notes on 5 different types you feel drawn to. How do you best like to be managed? This is going to help you figure out what works and what doesn’t.

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In three words: Strengths based management.

What are your strengths? This post should help you.

Here’s how it works. People naturally tend to want their autonomy, to want self-direction in their tasks, and to want to use their areas of greatest strength at work. This is based on surveys of over 2 million people done by Gallup in their book, “Now, Discover Your Strengths.”

Instead of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and trying to MAKE someone do a job they’re not suited for, why not take some time with your current and future employees and sit down and figure out where people are strong and where they can excel?

Why not give them that feeling of joy coming to work? Each person’s talents are enduring and unique. And each person’s greatest potential for growth is in their areas of strength. So help your employees grow! Strengths based assessments are available online from Gallup, you do have to buy their book, but it will be worth it in the productivity increase you see. And you have to buy the book new, because each book has a number in it that gives you a one-time login to their strengths test. You can see some of the basic keywords for each strength in my previous post.

If you want to help your direct reports figure out their areas of greatest strength, and learn which things you can do to really motivate them, it’s worth the investment. Here are some ways to manage different types of strengths at work.

Managing Achievers
You can ask them to do extra work. They like to be busy. Don’t ask them to go to boring meetings. Help them measure what they get done. Work alongside them. Slackers annoy them. Give them recognition, show that you admire how hard they’re working, then give them a new goal.

Managing Activators
This person loves to ACT! Get this person to identify what needs to be done, and then to start a project. Assign them to a team that is bogged down, and this person will stir them to action. Listen when they complain, as they can see where things need to be improved right now. Don’t ask this person to wait for weeks of approval processes. Let them get things done quickly.

Managing Adapters
Great team member because this person loves to respond to new situations. If plans go awry, they will adjust and respond to what’s going on. No sulking, just redirection. Doesn’t really want to talk about the future or plan. Just wants to respond to things here and now. Most productive on short term assignments.

Managing Analyticals
Lay out the logic of the decision very clearly. Recognize and praise this person’s reasoning ability. When defending a decision, show the supporting numbers. And try to be exact and well researched. This person loves to discover patterns in data. Take their point of view seriously, because they have thought it out. Sometimes this person may be more interested in getting the job done well than getting it done on time. So check up on this person when a deadline is looming.

Managing Arrangers
This person thrives on responsibility. Let them choose the project team members, and give them complex, multifaceted assignments. They love figuring out how to be resourceful. They build good teams through trust and relationships, and won’t work with someone who they think does a less than excellent job.

Managing Believers
Tie back the project into this person’s values. This person is strongly connected to their family and community, and when you appreciate and honor that, they respect you for that. You also need to be able to tie back what they are doing in their job and how it is helping the community.

Managing Commanders
This person needs to be given room to lead. And when you need to get things moving, ask this person to take charge. If this person starts empire building, upsetting colleagues, ignoring commitments, meet them head on, confront with specific examples, and demand immediate restitution. Then arrange for them to be productive as quickly as possible. However, if this person becomes aggressive or confrontational, ask yourself if you couldn’t find someone else to lead.

Managing Communicators
This person finds it easy to carry on conversations, so bring them to social gatherings to entertain customers or prospects. Ask them to help people in your organization make more engaging presentations. Ask this person to learn the stories in your organization, and bring your org culture to life. Take time to hear about this person’s life and experiences. They will enjoy telling, and you will enjoy listening.

Tune in tomorrow for more ways to bring out the best in people!

Try to do one on one assessments of people you work with, and reward them in certain ways that seem consistent with their strengths. Do you notice an increase in productivity or a lift in mood?

Follow Wild Woman Fundraising on Twitter! Because you want to motivate people faster!

Stay tuned for the next post on August 9th, when we’ll be talking about the next set of people you might manage at work. Finally, we’ll finish the series on August 12th, when we’ll have gone through all 34 types that Buckingham and Clifton outline in their book, Now, Discover Your Strengths. If you’d like to take their official test to see where you stand, you have to buy their book new.

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What is a strength?
A strength is something that you can visualize yourself doing repeatedly, happily, and successfully.

Talents are naturally recurring patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which make up your strengths.

Skills are the steps of an activity,

Knowledge is facts and lessons learned.

You need a system to identify your dominant talents, because talents are the aspects of you that are enduring. You can change skills and knowledge, but why not spend all of your time doing what you are best at?

Once you identify your strengths and talents, then you need a common language at your organization to describe your talents.

Why should we focus on our strengths rather than our weaknesses?

When we focus on our weaknesses, it has the effect of us looking at things we don’t do well naturally, and trying to improve on this, instead of looking at the areas we naturally do things well, and accentuating that.

Psychology is kind of half-baked. We focus on what goes wrong, and we bake that part of psychology. That’s really done. But when things do go right? We haven’t baked that part yet.

When you focus on your strengths and the strengths of others, it can make you a better manager, a better worker, and it can help you understand how to bring out your unique talents rather than chasing after doing things that don’t make you happy.

Based on a study of over 2 million people by Gallup, there are thirty four themes you may follow to discover your unique blend of strengths.

Achiever
People strong in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.

Activator
People strong in the Activator theme can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They are often impatient.

Adaptability
People strong in the Adaptability theme prefer to “go with the flow.” They tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

Analytical
People strong in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all the factors that might affect a situation.

Arranger
People strong in the Arranger theme can organize, but they also have a flexibility that complements this ability. They like to figure out how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity.

Belief
People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.

Command
People strong in the Command theme have presence. They can take control of a situation and make decisions.

Communication
People strong in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.

Competition
People strong in the Competition theme measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.

Connectedness
People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.

Consistency
People strong in the Fairness theme are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. They try to treat everyone in the world fairly by setting up clear rules and adhering to them.

Context
People strong in the Context theme enjoy thinking about the past. They understand the present by researching its history.

Deliberative
People strong in the Deliberative theme are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate the obstacles.

Developer
People strong in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.

Discipline
People strong in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.

Fairness
People strong in the Fairness theme will try to achieve balance and fairness for everyone in the company. They will feel imbalances of power the keenest, and work to rectify this.

Empathy
People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.

Focus
People strong in the Focus theme can take a direction, follow through, and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. They prioritize, then act.

Futuristic
People strong in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.

Harmony
People strong in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don’t enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.

Ideation
People strong in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.

Inclusiveness / Includer
People strong in the Inclusiveness theme are accepting of others. They show awareness of those who feel left out, and make an effort to include them.

Individualization
People strong in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.

Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

Intellection
People strong in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.

Learner
People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.

Maximizer
People strong in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.

Positivity
People strong in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

Relator
People who are strong in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.

Responsibility
People strong in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

Restorative
People strong in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.

Self-Assurance
People strong in the Self-assurance theme feel confident in their ability to manage their own lives. They possess an inner compass that gives them confidence that their decisions are right.

Significance
People strong in the Significance theme want to be very important in the eyes of others. They are independent and want to be recognized.

Strategic
People strong in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.

Woo
People strong in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person.

From “Now, Discover Your Strengths” by Buckingham and Clifton.

Do you recognize yourself in several of these descriptions? Do you want to learn more? If you buy the book, they will give you an access code to take this test online and find which strengths describe you best. This access code only works once, however, so don’t buy this book used. There’s a reason it’s on sale for 1 penny on Amazon used. You really need the access code to get the most out of the book. Go to Bookfinder and find the cheapest new book you can. Bookfinder, in case you didn’t know about it, is a fabulous little tool that can help you do a meta search for books all over the world, from small booksellers as well as large ones. If you don’t want to do that, then try this.

Hopefully these descriptions will help you self-manage your career. In the next post, we’ll go into learning to manage these different types.

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When I saw Amelie in 2001, I loved Jamel Debbouze’s character, Lucien. He overcame the barriers presented to him, and ended up running the fruit and vegetable stall where he had previously been abused and oppressed by the owner for being disabled and for being of a different race. It nearly made me cry, when he was being slapped by the manager. Lucien found a friend in the painter in Amelie to help him name and claim the oppression that was going on. I found a friend at a former nonprofit who helped me do the same.

It occurred to me recently that if I had known more about the dynamics of oppression when I first started out in the nonprofit world, I would have known a lot better about what to do in various conflicts. I would have been able to name and claim what was going on. And then I could have addressed it.

If you’ve grown up in a society that doesn’t seem to value women, or value the contributions of people of color, or the contributions of people who are poor, or who are older, or are differently abled, it may seem natural to you that your contributions would not be taken seriously, or acknowledged or implemented.

If you’re just starting out in a nonprofit, or even if you’ve been there for a few years, you may not know what to call the power dynamics that are going on and how it can affect you.

I want to arm you with this vocabulary. I want to arm you to stand up for yourself, your contributions, your rights, and your voice in your workplace.

Here is the continuum of oppression.
Actively Participating-At this level, the most overt oppression goes on.
Supporting Oppression-Racist, sexist, classist or ableist jokes, upholding the status quo.
Denying, Ignoring-Pretending that they can’t see the oppression.
Recognizing, No Action-Acknowledging it exists, but doing nothing.
Recognizing, Action- Acknowledging it, and then starting to stop sexist jokes that you make, for instance. Learning different jokes.
Educating Self-Finding out what oppression is across the spectrum.
Educating Others-Telling other people what you’re learning about.
Supporting, Encouraging-Supporting people who have been oppressed, helping them empower themselves.
Initiating, Preventing-If you see someone putting someone down, or discriminating against someone, saying something.
Confronting Oppression-Interrupting oppression. Telling other people you will not tolerate oppression in your presence. Protesting. Taking legal action.

An Individual’s Responses to Oppression
Avoidance
* Withdrawing from people, places and situations when discrimination is evident.

Silence
* By refusing to recognize or discuss issues related to discrimination.

Confusion
* Feeling upset and off-guard to the extent that we don’t know how to react.

Internalization
* By accepting an unjust stereotype as an undisputed representation of the truth.

Rationalization
* Convincing ourselves that the situation is something other than the obvious.

Aggression
* By attacking the individual, or organization we think is responsible.

Labeling
* By using knowledge to understand and identify the behavior.

Discussing
* By initiating a dialog with others involved in or promoting oppressive practices.

Confronting
* By actively pursuing changes that will help to eliminate the oppressive beliefs.

Individual, Institutional and Cultural Forms of Oppression

Individual – (People acting on their own beliefs)
* Conscious – Individuals who openly display oppressive attitudes and behaviors.
o A man who uses racial epithets to insult a member of a minority group.

* Unconscious – Individuals who fail to remember or recognize a personal bias that adversely impact target groups.
o An executive who claims to believe in woman’s rights but consistently hires males that are less qualified than female applicants based on his subjective ‘impression’ of the men’s abilities.

Institutional – (Organizations and social networks that act to influence cultural norms)

* Conscious – Rules and regulations specifically targeting disadvantaged groups.
o State laws that prohibit the legal recognition of gay and lesbian relationships.

* Unconscious – Unspoken rules or circumstances that fail to recognize the needs of disadvantaged groups.
o Employers that allow for the observance of Christian holidays but neglect to include provisions in company policy which would allow for the observance of other religious holidays.

Cultural – (Generally accepted Norms that point to acceptable behaviors)

* Conscious -Rules and practices specifically targeting disadvantaged groups.
o Extended maternity leave laws which suggest that woman are expected to stay home and tend to their newborn, while men are excluded.

* Unconscious-Unspoken rules or circumstances that fail to recognize the needs of disadvantaged groups.
o Standards of behavior and beauty are based on western European standards.

Social Mechanisms Resulting in Discrimination

Vertical Oppression:
* When agents enforce subordinate status upon target groups.
o Employers who resists promoting individuals based on sex, race, or religious preference.

Horizontal Oppression:
* When members of an oppressed group discourage other members from defying the unjust norms of the dominant culture.
o An African American that chastises a co-worker for acting too “Black” at work.

Internalized Subordination:
* When target groups accept the oppressive group’s ideology as deserved.
o A woman who believes that she cannot make it without a man.

Internalized Domination:
* When agents accept their group’s belief in their superior status as deserved.
o An executive who discriminates against, and denigrates women because ‘they just don’t think rationally.’

Collusion:
* When people act in concert with the system to perpetuate oppression and social inequity.
o Citizens from upper class neighborhoods that fight against desegregation, but refuse to work for equal funding for schools in less affluent communities.

Empowerment:
* When members of oppressed groups refuse to accept the dominant ideology and take actions to promote social justice.
o Women who protest for equal opportunity and equal pay in the workplace.

Ally:
* Members of the dominant group who reject the dominant ideology and take action to promote social justice on the grounds that it benefits all.
o A man who objects to sexist jokes being shared in the workplace.

Avenues for Promoting Personal and Institutional Change

* Self-awareness – By monitoring our own behaviors and by checking in with others to be certain that we are modeling respect and tolerance.

* Education – By seeking out information, and by striving to understand individual, cultural, and institutional factors that perpetuate oppressive practices so that we are in a better position to confront them.

* Reframing – By helping others to understand the effects of oppression in order to facilitate their search for more constructive alternatives that are equally beneficial to everyone.

The next time you hear someone being ableist, ageist, racist, sexist, classist or misogynist, how can you interrupt and reframe the discussion?

Did you find this useful?

I got this resource from UCSB’s Dynamics of Oppression Handout.

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“Language is our first step toward salvation. We cannot fight what we cannot describe.” -Chris Hedges

Do you know what rankism is? What horizontal oppression is? What the wheel of power and control is? How about schadenfreude?

If I’m saying some new words to you here, don’t back away. Stay and learn. This could save your sanity.

Whether your nonprofit is set up to fight a disease, or to promote equality for women, whether your nonprofit is advocating for the rights of domestic violence survivors, or whether you’re working to make the arts relevant to your community, whether you’re working to rescue animals or simply to improve the world, there’s a vocabulary around what you do.

There’s a measure of educating the community in nonprofit, charity and cause related marketing. You tell people what you do, and you tell them why they should care. But have you ever thought about going further, and starting a movement, educating an entire group about the ideas behind what you do?

In a domestic violence nonprofit, the wheel of power and control is an everyday reference. Not so in the arts charity.

In a social justice nonprofit, horizontal and vertical oppression may be talked about often. Not necessarily in an environmental nonprofit or animal rescue charity.

In a ballet or opera nonprofit, the importance of art as the soul of a community or a place could be part of the general conversation. But this wouldn’t necessarily happen at a church or association nonprofit.

Isn’t it time we started to talk among ourselves about the ideas that make us get up and go to work every day?

Recently I answered a question on Linkedin about how to stop the fear-mongering in our societies and start to focus on courage.

What it comes down to, for me, is our language. We cannot fight oppression if we don’t know what to call it when we see it. We cannot hope to stop rankism unless we make it a regular topic of discussion in our personal and work lives. And when schadenfreude is what our culture encourages us to focus on, we find it hard to give our attention to more important matters.

Here are my definitions. Why not start a conversation at your next nonprofit networking meeting or Young Nonprofit Professional meeting around one of these ideas?

Rankism is: “abusive, discriminatory, or exploitative behavior towards people who have less power because of their lower rank in a particular hierarchy” -Robert Fuller

Schadenfreude is: n. Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. [German : Schaden , damage (from Middle High German schade , from Old High German. How often do you see this in your local grocery store? On the NYTimes? On Huffpost? Etc.?

Co-Opting Culture is: When coming in contact with other cultures, there is a tendency by some to romanticize that culture and adopt certain aspects of it, without actually having to deal with legacies of pain and oppression. A classic example is the adoption of Indigenous culture by non-Indigenous people.

Oppression is: When stereotypes and prejudice are so woven into our way of life, discrimination is put into structures of society through policies, laws, etc. The system then grants advantages/disadvantages differently to different groups. Creates the agent group, who has privilege, and the target group who is disadvantaged.

Horizontal Oppression is: The result of people of target groups believing, enforcing, and acting on the agent system of discrimination. This can occur between members of the same group (e.g., a Chicano telling another Chicano to stop speaking Spanish), or between members of different target groups (e.g., Asian Americans fearing Blacks as criminals, Latinos believing stereotypes that Native Americans are alcoholics).

Vertical Oppression is: Oppression from Dominant Powers

is:

The Arts Drive Business: Support of the arts helps stimulate economic development in the state. The availability of cultural resources and opportunities helps attract businesses, since companies and workers consider quality of life – including the arts – an important factor when deciding whether to relocate to or remain in a community.

“My Vocabulary Did This To Me” -Jack Spicer, Poet, (last words on his deathbed)

What are some other terms or concepts that you wish people outside your cause understood?

Have you ever sent aid overseas? Did you send money? Toothpaste? Socks? Books? What happened to your donation? Where did it go? Why were you sending it?

One thing I learned when I was volunteering at nonprofits overseas is that people don’t necessarily need what you think they need.

I lived in Jakarta, and volunteered in a small mobile health clinic that went to different Jakarta slums. I thought that Indonesian women would really want condoms. I asked my friend. He said, “Do you want to die? The village heads rule. And if it doesn’t go through them, we won’t be allowed back.”

We then proceded to treat people with a host of diseases, all stemming from lack of access to clean water. So what did they really need? Water filters.

Totally not what I was thinking about, at all.

But you know, I’m not alone in my cluelessness. Recently there’s been some uproar about the damage that sending clothing to Africa can do.

Foreign aid can hurt more than it can help. The world is a lot more complex than we think it is. If we flood the market with free clothes, who will buy clothes from the village next door? They can’t compete with free.

There are different phrases for what foreign aid can do to decimate a local economy. Lethal generosity. Toxic Giving. The Myth of the Naked African Child. Dead White People’s Clothes.

I think Lethal Generosity should be the Oxford phrase of the year.

We see this in governmental aid as well as in well-meaning individual donors who just want to send a pair of boots to Haiti.

We need to ask, “Who is getting the government contract to give “aid” to these people while making tons of money off of this crisis?”

And we need to ask our donors who want to send aid to somewhere in crisis,

“Is there someone in a local or neighboring community that you could pay, thereby stimulating the local economy, creating jobs, and increasing the prosperity of the region, instead of expensively sending a lot of things you have lying around, flooding the region with cheap, free or useless pieces of “foreign aid”?”

We could have stimulated the economies of the Dominican Republic or Puerto Rico if we had helped agencies or vendors in these countries give aid to Haiti. But instead we foolishly spent a lot of money and time getting our supplies to Haiti. Just like we’ve done in countless other disasters.

Let’s stop thinking like savior supermen for a minute here and realize that regions can do a lot of their own aid, if we do a little research and work to increase their pipeline efforts.

Do you sleep at work too?

Did you know that Americans now spend more hours on the job than English, French or German workers and even the Japanese? According to the U. S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average workweek in the U.S. now drags on for 49 hours, which means Americans are working 350 more hours per year than any other first world country. Worse, recent surveys indicate that American workers are also cutting back on or even eliminating their vacations in order to meet their employers’ demands. A nonprofit that I knew said you could only have 80 hours of vacation per year, and if you didn’t use them up by June, you forfeited your hours. Except that this didn’t apply to the CEO, for some reason. Hmmmm. Abuse of power comes as no surprise.

It’s pretty awful to be blamed for a down economy, or the faults of your superiors. No amount of hard work is going to overcome the economy, or failures in leadership.

And it’s pretty awful when you work as hard as you can but the nonprofit still has to let you go, or let your coworkers go.

It’s not your fault.

There’s a group for workaholics called Workaholics Anonymous.

Happily, the first rule of Workaholics Anonymous is NOT “You don’t talk about Workaholics Anonymous.” Is it you, or is your boss pushing you too hard? Do you think your working 50 or more hours will be rewarded with more money? Think again. Some nonprofits will try to get you not to put your extra hours on your timesheet, even though this is what you are legally required to do. Another nonprofit will just put you on salary and demand even MORE of your time.

To get out of a place where your boss thinks you MUST be a workaholic, follow ALL of these steps.

* Find the fundraising job websites, or other job websites, and surf these every day. Or just make a feed, and search one page, instead of twelve.

* Look at nonprofit websites, and research them on Guidestar, even call up and go out to coffee with an employee there to see what it’s like to work there.

* Join the AFP, read the Chronicle of Philanthropy, the Nonprofit Times, LinkedIn Questions and blogs like this one, answer questions, get in on the conversation, and get known in your field.

* Make a page where you put your work achievements, a dynamic resume site like Jobfox or VisualCV seem to be useful for putting pictures or charts. You can see my visual resumes here.

* Buy a winning cover letter from my resource section and you’re going to be on your way to your next interview.

If your nonprofit is intent on using you up and throwing you away like an old sock, you don’t have to take it. Follow all of these steps, and you will be sure to get a better job.

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